There are lots of writing tips along the lines of “your first draft is meant to be messy, just get everything down now and save revising for later.” This is great advice, but it’s not always the right approach. Avoiding the trap of rewriting your last sentence for hours is certainly important. But what if writing the following sentence feels impossible? What if you’re stuck and can’t figure out how to move forward?
Here’s the thing: crafting a story is like building a house. If the foundation is badly damaged, it risks the rest of the house falling apart. The usual advice is to find & fix any cracks in the revision stage. But if there’s a huge, glaring crack that limits what building options are even possible, it can be difficult to force yourself to continue.
I realized my story has a gaping hole in the middle. Not because of what I wrote, but because of what I didn’t.
When I started writing this book, it purely for myself. But when I realized I might actually finish it, I began worrying what readers might think. I altered my writing voice, my characters, my world, and my story to fit what I thought readers wanted. I kept simplifying the idea in my mind whenever I went to put words on the page, telling myself certain concepts would be negatively perceived for being too complex, too strange, too whatever.
But those hypothetical “readers” in my head aren’t who I’d market my book toward. Different people like different things. It goes without saying that I can’t be the only one who likes epic fantasy with unusual characters, complex worldbuilding, powerful emotions, and mythic tones. Unfortunately, it’s taken a long time for me to get that through my head, and it has affected my ability to express my creativity authentically.
The story I’ve been writing isn’t the same as the story in my heart, the one that I’ve been yearning to share, the one that’s held my attention for 1.5 years despite my track record of abandoning projects after mere months (thanks, ADHD 🫠).
When I realized this, I tried to course-correct from my current place in my manuscript and worry about fixing the old parts later. It didn’t work for long. I’ve had recurring writers block on this project for a couple months now, even though I still thought about it every day, even when I tried to make myself take a break from it. In the meantime, I’ve also made significant progress on a secondary WIP, and haven’t had trouble completing assignments for my summer class, which made it clear that the block is specific to this project.
Now, I’m trying something else. I plan on rewriting my first chapter from scratch, capture much as possible of the original concept on those pages. That will serve as my foundation and anchor for editing the subsequent chapters, to remind myself what I’m ultimately striving for. I’ll work my way through my old chapters, until I either get back to my current leading edge, get an inspiration for another later chapter I want to write, or get stuck again. I can’t be sure this will solve my entire problem, but it feels like the closest thing to progress I’ve had in a long time.
And for anyone else reading this: you don’t have to hold your creativity back based on what seems “acceptable” to anyone else. There’s a whole internet out there, and billions of people on this planet. No matter how niche your idea seems, trust that there are others who will want to find it too. But they can’t if you don’t put it out there to be found: the genuine, authentic, gloriously weird and wonderful version, not a watered-down substitute.
Whatever story you’re keeping inside and wish you could write, however unusual or complicated or vast or overwhelming it seems, don’t be afraid to go for it. First drafts are meant to be messy, after all. 😉
Stay awesome, stay nerdy, and stay uniquely you.
— Riverly 💫
